I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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