So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
