Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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