If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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