so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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