dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
