Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
