I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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