I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
