Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
