What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
