Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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