You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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