hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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