Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
