for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
