better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
