I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
