I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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