My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
