Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did i walk over a car last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
