Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
not ubering you a puppy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
