you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
