I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
