Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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