Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
