He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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