Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
