I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize