i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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