things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
