So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
