i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
3 2 1 whiskey
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
