Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
