I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
