Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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