My friends, they love my intelligence
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
