This is not my ceiling
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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