Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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