Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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