i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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