Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize