it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
