My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
