I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
