We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
