at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
