Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
