He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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