well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
