can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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