My nipple is on Facebook.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
