Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize