if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
