never play flip cup with pint glasses
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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