Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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