I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Houston, we have a blender
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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