Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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