well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and she was petting her beer can
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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