i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
