If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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