not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we're so committed to being not committed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
