u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
