I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
