he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
