my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
