covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
