Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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